Who's in Charge?

Hard times come about for three reasons:

1. The result of choices we make;
2. The result of choices others make; and
3. The result of day-to-day circumstances.

Let's deal with those in reverse order. Day-to-day life generates events that can be considered the common lot of man (of humankind). Bad weather, geophysical events, traffic jams, tax hikes, product shortages, job shortages, high housing prices, and many other problems happen to all of us as part of simply living. Occasionally there are things you can do personally to minimize their effects, but largely those events are uncontrollable. We must learn to live with the vagaries of life, and deal with things as they occur.

When other people make choices that affect us, the results can be much more severe and far-reaching. We cannot control other people, and it is futile to try. While we'd all like some degree of control in our lives to reduce our levels of stress, we are foolish if we believe we can control the actions of anyone else.

We all have our freedom of choice. That is our God-given right as human beings. Some people choose to use this precious gift to achieve their own ends regardless of the effect on others. When people make choices that hurt us, we have to deal with the consequences. As much as we would like to remove their ability to make such choices, that is not realistic. The only thing we can do is control how we react to their choices and actions.

When we suffer hardships that result from our own choices, we have only ourselves to blame. It is important to recognize that we've caused our own misery and take responsibility for it. That doesn't mean we beat ourselves up about it. Only that we shoulder the responsibility and take steps to deal with the situation, not fob it off as someone else's fault, or deny our part in it.

Maybe it isn't clear how or why your hard times came upon you. In the end, it doesn't really matter how you got into the situation, only how you deal with it, and how you get yourself out. We learn and grow from making mistakes and from failing at things we attempt. Without those setbacks, we would not develop the strength of character that allows us to overcome problems and move forward in our lives. The only true failure is in giving up.

Sometimes our circumstances are so restricted that we feel we do not have any choice at all about what happens to us. It is a wrong perception. We always have some choice, even if it's not a very attractive choice. We can't hope to get into a state of having good choices, if we've been following a path of bad choices for a long time. It will take time and effort to overcome those bad results and work toward better choices.

Ultimately, we are in charge of our own destinies. As philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre said "What is important is not what happens to us, but how we respond to what happens to us."

Resolve to take responsibility for your own life and be in charge of your future. Once you commit to being the one in charge of you, you will have the power and resources to make improvements in your life and overcome your hard times.