Five Faces of Forgiveness

An integral component of our hard times is the concept of forgiveness. Forgiveness can lessen or deepen our burden of pain throughout our trials, depending on how we are able to manage it.
There are 5 aspects to forgiveness:

1. Forgiving those who wronged you;
2. Forgiving yourself;
3. Being forgiven by someone else;
4. Forgiving God; and
5. Being forgiven by God.

I used to be rather casual at preaching forgiveness to others until someone did something to me that was unforgiveable.

For a long time, the pain was extreme. That kind of pain, from being betrayed, assaulted, violated, abused, or forsaken by someone else, has been likened to a snake bite. Once bitten, the snake cannot take the bite back. But it is not the bite that kills you. It is the venom that travels through your body, poisoning your system, and destroying every part of you from within, that causes the greatest damage.

When you have been hurt by someone else, their action has no further effect on them. It's like the bite being completely inconsequential to the snake; he bites you and he moves on. You are the one to suffer. And you will continue to suffer until you can get rid of the poison of that event. As painful and difficult as it may be, forgiveness is the only thing that can stop that poison from eating you up inside.

Forgiveness has to include letting go of the hurt, deciding that it will not torture you any longer, and refraining from wishing harm on the one who hurt you. Ask only for justice. Then do whatever it takes for you to recover.

"'Vengeance is mine', saith the Lord." That phrase means that GOD will take care of avenging the wrong that was done to you. We must leave vengeance up to him. It is not your responsibility. Of course, if it becomes a matter for the courts, then you must do your part to ensure the criminal justice system works the way it is supposed to. But ultimately, what happens to your enemy is in God's hands, and it should indeed be that way. Otherwise, the poison of the wrong would continue to work on you.

I know it is easier to say "Let go, and let God" than it is to do it. I have been in that position. But I also know that the more my mind dwelled upon the wrong and the one who did it, the more tortured I became internally. The only way to get peace of mind and to begin healing is to consciously, and with whatever effort it takes, forgive your enemy. The old saying "Forgive and forget" means that only once you can forgive the hurt, can you ever begin to forget about it. Forgiveness allows your mind to stop gnawing on that bone.

At the same time, you also need to forgive yourself. You may be blaming yourself for whatever part you played in the wrong that was done to you. Perhaps you feel you should have seen the warning signs, or that you invited the disaster in some way, or that you didn't take action when you felt impending harm. Maybe you were too trusting, or had your own agenda that turned out horribly wrong. No matter what the reason, unless you also forgive yourself you will never achieve that peace of mind and healing that time can bring.

If you are experiencing any guilt about your situation, perhaps you need to ask for forgiveness from someone else. If you have wronged another, it is better to apologize, make amends where you can, and seek that person's forgiveness. Getting the forgiveness is not as important as being receptive to asking for it. If another person will not forgive you, there's not much you can do about it, except resolve to act more honourably in future. If your sincere efforts to make amends or apologize are rebuffed, then just let it go. You've done what you can, and it is no longer your problem.

Finally, your relationship with God (the universe, the creator, whatever you want to call the divine force) is also subject to forgiveness on both sides. If you have been blaming God for what has happened to you, I assure you that's a monumental waste of energy and not likely to be very fruitful. God doesn't DO things to us. Our hard times occur for various reasons, as mentioned in the May 27 2005 post entitled "Who's in Charge?".

Similarly, we need to ask God for forgiveness if we have done anything that prompts feelings of guilt in us. Or even if things just aren't going well in our lives. Maybe there is some unresolved energy resulting from some wrong choices that we made in the past. Asking God to forgive you can't hurt, and it might just be what you need to eliminate whatever is blocking your progress.

Getting forgiveness from God is really easy, and the best way to put your mind at ease. Whether you are seeking forgiveness for yourself, or asking God to take over responsibility for dealing with the one who hurt you, it can be accomplished with a simple prayer. Your heart must be sincere, or the prayer will have no effect.

It doesn't matter what words you use, but I'd recommend something like this:

"Heavenly Father, I am sincerely sorry for anything I have done that has displeased you or hurt someone else. Please forgive me. Show me how I can do better."

It will astonish you how such a simple prayer, when said with a belief that you will receive the forgiveness for which you ask, will ease your mind.

Forgiveness is not easy to accomplish, especially if the wrong has been severe or prolonged. But if you don't make the attempt, the poison of hatred will consume you, while the one who wronged you walks around with no ill effects whatsoever. The only way to overcome the hurtful event is to employ forgiveness as a tool to achieve peace of mind. Be prepared for it to take some time. Instant forgiveness can only come from God, when asked for yourself.

By enlisting God's help in your process of forgiveness, you will see results faster than without him. "Let go, and let God."