What to Do With a Broken Heart

A dear friend just experienced a break-up with a companion of many years. This relationship seemed strong, caring, mutually supportive, and as solid as any you could imagine. But something happened to weaken those strong bonds, and finally the relationship ended.

My friend's heart is broken.

What do we mean by that term, "broken heart"? We mean that we wonder how we can even function when we have been hurt to our very core. The single thing that keeps us going has been injured, and it has brought everything to a stop. Just as the heart is necessary to keep the body alive, an intact heart made up of courage, hope, faith, love, self-esteem, and resilience is necessary to keep the personality alive.

When we "lose heart", we lose the ability to get up one more time after being knocked down. We hesitate to take action because we are fearful of the consequences. We don't think tomorrow can be better at all. We care nothing for ourselves or for other human beings. We are wounded, and we need desperately to heal.

The only remedies for a broken heart are time and comfort. With time, the heart can begin to strengthen itself. The pain lessens. Whatever holes we have in our heart get filled in so that the hollowness goes away. We eventually find other things to put into our hearts to take the place of those things that we have lost.

With comfort, we are able to nurture ourself or be nurtured by another person. A comforting word, a comforting touch, just having someone be there with you, and for you, allows the healing to begin. If you have no one in your life who can act as comfort, then you must comfort yourself. Be good to yourself. Ease up on your standards for a little bit, until you are back to normal. Lower the bar for a short time. Reduce your commitments, to save your precious energy for yourself. It is okay to be a little selfish when you're trying to heal a broken heart. Do those things that give you joy or that feed your soul. Seek out and be around beauty, in music, art, nature.

If you are able to do so, reach out to another person so they can offer you additional comfort. They may not understand completely what you are going through, but we all have basic human empathy so that we can mourn with those that mourn, and feel each other's pain when it is necessary to help each other.

While it is a natural reaction to shut out other people when you are wounded, and for self-preservation this might be required for a period of time, it must be only temporary. Cutting oneself off from others indefinitely does more harm than good. Like it or not, we need each other. We cannot do everything alone. But it is fair to carefully select those people who will buoy you up, instead of add to your pain. Beware the well-meaning person whose unthinking comments only amplify your pain. Far better to find those who can support and comfort you without needing to "fix" you.

All of us, at some point, will find we have a broken heart. It is one of the things that makes us human, and one of the things that happens to every person on the planet.

It may be hard to realize it at the time, but once you've put your broken heart back together, it will be much stronger for the repair. Let time and comfort be reinforcing bands that make a supple, elastic heart. Take care not to put it back together with the cement of bitterness. It may be natural to feel vengeful or vindictive, but brewing poison in your heart is not the answer either. Self-protection may prompt you to harden your heart against any future hurt. This does not serve your best interests. As risky as it may be to open our hearts again to others, it is the only way we can let in joy. Ultimately, joy is the perfect remedy for a broken heart.

Broken hearts do mend. Mine did.