June 11, 2005

Unquenchable Thirst?

Adversity comes to everyone, but sometimes it seems to be a continual state of existence for some of us. When the hard times persist, and we cannot seem to do much to change the situation, we begin to question everything we once knew to be true. We question our faith, our God, our decisions, ourselves. We doubt. We descend into depression, feeling that nothing we do makes a difference. We scream, cry, shout, curse, and plead for something, anything, to change.

It's like being in a prolonged drought. You can't seem to make it rain no matter how hard you dance. There is nothing to be done except to hang on and wait it out.

At times like that we crave relief. We thirst for answers. An unquenchable thirst drives us to find the lifegiving source. When our thirst cannot be satisfied by small improvements or temporary solutions we continue to seek, and we keep looking no matter what.

Without that extended period of suffering, we would not make the great changes that sometimes must be made. We would not be catapulted out of our comfort zone or discomfitted enough to do the hard things necessary to resolve the situation.

Having an unquenchable thirst that cannot easily be satisfied forces us to ask the deeper questions of life, and to ponder the great things of the universe. It forces us to look within ourselves, for our part in the trouble, as well as to reach out to others for whatever help they can give. Ultimately, it forces us to seek our creator, our higher power, our God, the source of all answers.

Be grateful for that unquenchable thirst, that leads to living water.

June 10, 2005

Thought for Today

"The problem with the refiner's fire, is not the heat, it's the humility."

Beth Agnew
Leader, Educator, and Consultant

June 09, 2005

Refiner's Fire

When we are experiencing adversity, it is often referred to as being "in the refiner's fire". This expression comes from the process of superheating precious metals in order to burn out the dross, or impurities, in the metal. The result is a pure metal, stronger for having been purged of its weaknesses, yet more malleable and able to be worked. Gold, silver and other precious metals were purified in this way.

When the gold was malleable, it was soft and pliable, ready to take the shape the creator wanted it to have, and capble of being worked into the most exquisite designs at the hand of the master.

In our lives, refining can be looked at as a period of divine testing. Our creator knew and expected that we would go through hard times, but he also knew that these difficult periods would literally "prove our mettle". By surviving the hard times and coming out the other side, we would be purified of our dross -- our bad habits, poor attitudes, incorrect behaviors, and other weaknesses -- and find in ourselves the courage and faith to continue onward.

Our hearts would become softened toward ourselves and toward others by the refining process. With a soft heart, we are teachable, and malleable, ready to allow the creator to mold us into the shape he wants us to have, designed and now fit for his purposes.

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fire in you, the test that
comes face-to-face with you, as though some strange thing
were happening to you;"
-- 1 Peter 4:12
The heat of the refiner's fire will come to us all, and for some, more than once. Instead of being consumed by the fire, we must hold on and allow the fire to burn out of us anything that is impure or of little value to our mission on this planet. In so doing, we acquire the humility to learn from our experiences and change whatever is necessary in our lives to overcome our adversity.

June 08, 2005

Pride or Low Self-Esteem?

If you are an independent person, used to making your own way in the world, it may be difficult for you to accept help from other people when you are having a hard time. There may be a couple of causes for this:
  1. Pride -- It's not really that you are "too proud" to accept help, but that you feel ashamed to need the help in the first place. This plagues individuals who have always been the ones to take care of others; people who are decisive and capable, and who are accustomed to managing their own affairs. In many instances, they have HAD to be self-sufficient because the traditional supports of family or friends may have been denied them.
  2. Low Self-Esteem -- During our hard times our self-esteem can suffer, particularly if we feel that we are the cause of our own misery. In such times, we may want to reject the help others offer because we feel we aren't worthy of receiving it. We may interpret the need for assistance as yet more proof that we cannot do anything right, or that we haven't the power to fix this situation ourselves.

Pride and Low Self-Esteem are two sides of the same coin. Looking at them another way, they are either end of a continuum that ranges from "I don't need God" to "God doesn't need me". Neither case is true.

As mentioned in the June 1, 2005 post "Where is God when it hurts?", helping someone else gives you a positive boost. By rejecting help someone offers to give us, we are denying them the blessing of being able to reach out to someone else and make that connection. Similarly, if we take a few moments to help someone even though we are suffering ourselves, we can forget our troubles for a short time and get that boost ourselves.

The ideal is to be in the centre of the continuum, with you and God as equal partners in life, and having the understanding that helping others and being helped is a natural and vital part of our human identity.



June 07, 2005

Joy in Sorrow

That seems like a paradox, doesn't it? I used to say that anyone who can be joyful during hard times isn't fully aware of the facts. How can we be joyful when we are in the midst of sorrow?

Believe it or not, joy doesn't come from an assessment of our circumstances. Joy is completely and entirely created by our choice to be joyful.
  • That means looking for the cloud's silver lining or the hidden blessing in the situation.
  • It means refusing to be beaten down in your soul (mind, will and emotions) by what is happening.
  • It means allowing your spirit to soar in the knowledge that better days are ahead, even though the evidence may seem overwhelming to the contrary.
  • It means taking action to create good everywhere you go, and to fight back against the encroaching darkness by sowing light.
  • It means looking for and finding simple pleasures, such as a sunrise, a beautiful flower, a child's laugh, a happy puppy. We can be lifted up by these small miracles even though we are in the deepest trough of trouble.
  • It means making a conscious decision to seek joy in all of its forms -- happiness, contentment, pleasure, delight, appreciation, admiration, laughter, and hope.

Do what you can to create or find joy, and take pleasure in small victories.

June 06, 2005

Thought for Today

"If I had to select one quality, one personal characteristic that I regard as being most highly correlated with success, whatever the field, I would pick the trait of persistence. Determination. The will to endure to the end, to get knocked down seventy times and get up off the floor saying, 'Here comes number seventy-one!' ''

Richard M. DeVos
Successful Business Owner

June 05, 2005

Balm of Gilead

One of the purposes of our suffering is to help us connect with other people. Suffering is our common bond. No matter where we live on this planet, we will inevitably experience suffering to a greater or lesser degree.

Times of collective suffering bring a community or group together as times of joy simply cannot do. A shared experience that is tragic or stressful forces us to reach out to others both to comfort and to seek comfort. It is human nature to want to integrate a monumental experience into our understanding by speaking about it with other people. In doing so, we come to a shared vision of the event and gain comfort by knowing we're not alone.

Individual suffering also prompts us to reach out for help. We want to know that someone else has experienced what we are going through, so that we can be certain we are not crazy or singled out. Having someone else who has "been there" is like having a guide as you navigate a rocky pathway along the face of a cliff. While you must make the journey alone, their experience can help you proceed more surely and avoid wasted effort or mis-steps.

One of the things we do as humans is cry together during times of adversity. It is my belief that our shared tears are the balm that helps us heal. Just knowing that someone else is trying to understand what you're going through, and that they care about you during your trials, can be enough to keep you in the fight, until you overcome your hard times.

June 04, 2005

The Good and Bad of Asking Why?

When we run into hard times, the first question that comes to mind is usually "Why?". By this we mean "Why me?" or even "Why, God, why?". We want to know why this is happening, and why is it happening to us.

The trouble is, the reason why hardly ever comes. It is almost guaranteed not to come while we are experiencing the adversity in our lives. If we immediately knew why, we would not need to explore the situation for its informative value. The uses of adversity include forcing us to grow, and broadening our knowledge and experience.

There are good and bad sides to asking "Why?"

If you ask "Why me?" the universe will likely answer "Why NOT you?". Hard times come to all of us, in different seasons of our lives, and from different causes. It is the common lot of Man (humankind) to experience tragedy, suffering, obstacles, frustration, disappointments, and failure. Our experiences of adversity, though different for each person, are a common bond among us all. Every person experiences adversity. It is a way for us to begin to understand each other. To expect that we will be free from adversity is unrealistic. It would be to our detriment never to have life problems to solve.

But sometimes it seems we're ALWAYS solving life problems. Many of us seem to have a greater share of adversity than others, and just as we overcome one obstacle, another comes along. Asking "Why is this happening repeatedly?" can be valuable in helping you make required changes in your life. If you always seem to have relationship issues, or money problems, or employment difficulties, asking "Why?" leads to an analysis of the activities you are undertaking in those areas. When you look at what is not working, you can take corrective action to change the situation.

If nothing you do seems to work, then "Why?" becomes two deeper questions: "What am I to learn from this experience?" and "What meaning can I find in what is happening to me?". It is our search for meaning, and learning from experiences, that matures us, and helps us grow into more compassionate and capable human beings.

It may take a painful experience to force you to change your attitudes, your behavior, or your thinking. Financial pain leads to better money management, and increased efforts to obtain work that eases the burdens. This may lead to improving your education, or taking a different job that ultimately has more opportunity for you to utilize your potential. Relationship problems force you to review the way you behave with other people, and prompt you to change habits that distance you from others.

Finding the meaning in adversity may take some time. It may not be until you are well out of the situation that any clarity comes as to what you have learned from it. While you are undergoing the difficult situation, maintaining your faith in God (or the good order of the universe) can be critical. Even though you may not be able to see it at the moment, there IS indeed meaning in the trials and tragedies we must face. Trusting in God allows us to press on, to keep getting up every time we fall, and keep working toward the time when this experience will be a memory. It is faith that fuels us, when all seems lost. Unless you give up, you will see the end of the tunnel.

For every adversity, there is an equal or greater blessing that comes from exploring the meaning behind the question "Why?".

June 03, 2005

Thought for Today

"Sweet are the uses of adversity, which, like a toad, though ugly and
venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in its head."

William Shakespeare
Great English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)

June 02, 2005

Five Faces of Forgiveness

An integral component of our hard times is the concept of forgiveness. Forgiveness can lessen or deepen our burden of pain throughout our trials, depending on how we are able to manage it.
There are 5 aspects to forgiveness:
  1. Forgiving those who wronged you;
  2. Forgiving yourself;
  3. Being forgiven by someone else;
  4. Forgiving God; and
  5. Being forgiven by God.

I used to be rather casual at preaching forgiveness to others until someone did something to me that was unforgiveable.

For a long time, the pain was extreme. That kind of pain, from being betrayed, assaulted, violated, abused, or forsaken by someone else, has been likened to a snake bite. Once bitten, the snake cannot take the bite back. But it is not the bite that kills you. It is the venom that travels through your body, poisoning your system, and destroying every part of you from within, that causes the greatest damage.

When you have been hurt by someone else, their action has no further effect on them. It's like the bite being completely inconsequential to the snake; he bites you and he moves on. You are the one to suffer. And you will continue to suffer until you can get rid of the poison of that event. As painful and difficult as it may be, forgiveness is the only thing that can stop that poison from eating you up inside.

Forgiveness has to include letting go of the hurt, deciding that it will not torture you any longer, and refraining from wishing harm on the one who hurt you. Ask only for justice. Then do whatever it takes for you to recover.

"'Vengeance is mine', saith the Lord." That phrase means that GOD will take care of avenging the wrong that was done to you. We must leave vengeance up to him. It is not your responsibility. Of course, if it becomes a matter for the courts, then you must do your part to ensure the criminal justice system works the way it is supposed to. But ultimately, what happens to your enemy is in God's hands, and it should indeed be that way. Otherwise, the poison of the wrong would continue to work on you.

I know it is easier to say "Let go, and let God" than it is to do it. I have been in that position. But I also know that the more my mind dwelled upon the wrong and the one who did it, the more tortured I became internally. The only way to get peace of mind and to begin healing is to consciously, and with whatever effort it takes, forgive your enemy. The old saying "Forgive and forget" means that only once you can forgive the hurt, can you ever begin to forget about it. Forgiveness allows your mind to stop gnawing on that bone.

At the same time, you also need to forgive yourself. You may be blaming yourself for whatever part you played in the wrong that was done to you. Perhaps you feel you should have seen the warning signs, or that you invited the disaster in some way, or that you didn't take action when you felt impending harm. Maybe you were too trusting, or had your own agenda that turned out horribly wrong. No matter what the reason, unless you also forgive yourself you will never achieve that peace of mind and healing that time can bring.

If you are experiencing any guilt about your situation, perhaps you need to ask for forgiveness from someone else. If you have wronged another, it is better to apologize, make amends where you can, and seek that person's forgiveness. Getting the forgiveness is not as important as being receptive to asking for it. If another person will not forgive you, there's not much you can do about it, except resolve to act more honourably in future. If your sincere efforts to make amends or apologize are rebuffed, then just let it go. You've done what you can, and it is no longer your problem.

Finally, your relationship with God (the universe, the creator, whatever you want to call the divine force) is also subject to forgiveness on both sides. If you have been blaming God for what has happened to you, I assure you that's a monumental waste of energy and not likely to be very fruitful. God doesn't DO things to us. Our hard times occur for various reasons, as mentioned in the May 27 2005 post entitled "Who's in Charge?".

Similarly, we need to ask God for forgiveness if we have done anything that prompts feelings of guilt in us. Or even if things just aren't going well in our lives. Maybe there is some unresolved energy resulting from some wrong choices that we made in the past. Asking God to forgive you can't hurt, and it might just be what you need to eliminate whatever is blocking your progress.

Getting forgiveness from God is really easy, and the best way to put your mind at ease. Whether you are seeking forgiveness for yourself, or asking God to take over responsibility for dealing with the one who hurt you, it can be accomplished with a simple prayer. Your heart must be sincere, or the prayer will have no effect.

It doesn't matter what words you use, but I'd recommend something like this:

"Heavenly Father, I am sincerely sorry for anything I have done that has displeased you or hurt someone else. Please forgive me. Show me how I can do better."

It will astonish you how such a simple prayer, when said with a belief that you will receive the forgiveness for which you ask, will ease your mind.

Forgiveness is not easy to accomplish, especially if the wrong has been severe or prolonged. But if you don't make the attempt, the poison of hatred will consume you, while the one who wronged you walks around with no ill effects whatsoever. The only way to overcome the hurtful event is to employ forgiveness as a tool to achieve peace of mind. Be prepared for it to take some time. Instant forgiveness can only come from God, when asked for yourself.

By enlisting God's help in your process of forgiveness, you will see results faster than without him. "Let go, and let God."

June 01, 2005

Where is God when it hurts?

"How can there be a God, if we have to suffer so?"
"How can God let this happen?"
"Where is God when it hurts?"

Sometimes it's hard to believe in God, and that he loves us, when we see so much suffering. Not just the major events such as wars, earthquakes, floods, and fires, but issues that are personal to us, such as loss of a loved one, loss of a job, having a car accident, or getting sick.

There are two problems here: one is understanding the nature of God, and the other is having correct expectations about what God can and will do for us.

Like a perfect parent, God wants us to be able to look after ourselves and grow to be responsible adults. If he rescued us every time we got into trouble, we would soon become completely dependent upon him and we would not be able to live our own lives. God has given us the freedom to make our own choices in life, and we need to experience the consequences of those actions so that we learn to make better choices in future.

Simple error correction is much different than profound pain, of course. It would be much better to just have the light go on so that we'd say "Okay, should have done that differently." Instead, we truly suffer. We experience ongoing pain, and emotional torment, as well as deep grief, sadness, guilt, despair and hopelessness.

Far from being pointless, our darkest emotions reflect our humanity and connect us to each other. Because we all experience the pain and trials of life, we can empathize with each other. God wants US to help each other during our times of hardship. That's why, in most cases, he doesn't step in immediately to rescue us from our problems.

Being able to help someone else is a blessing that we all can experience. No matter how low you feel, you will get a positive boost if you reach out to help someone else. That act of kindness benefits you as much, or more, than it benefits the person you helped. A study by Stephanie Brown of University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research found that people who helped others were healthier and lived longer than those who were not as inclined to assist someone else.

When we do an act of kindness for someone else, we are fulfilling the mission God gave us, and he is indeed present in that act. He is also present, even in our darkest hours, as spiritual comfort if we just seek that solace in prayer. When we ask God to help us during our hard times, he does hear that plea. He may send someone else to assist us; he may give us comfort so that we can bear up under our burdens somewhat better; or we may feel the burdens lessen because we have turned over some of that responsibility to God.

We may be tempted to blame God for our troubles or for not being there to help us when we are hurting. Instead of wasting energy on that, do an act of kindness for someone else. It will help you forget your own problems for a short time, and raise your spirits. Accept the help someone else may want to give you. Turn your troubles over to God and ask for his help as well. Then, just keep pushing forward, doing what you can do with faith that this, too, shall pass. Ultimately, you will find that God isn't that far away at all.


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